I Thought I Would Just Know How to Mother
Before I was pregnant, I thought motherhood would be an extension of my intuition. I imagined receiving divine guidance effortlessly, like a direct line to the universe, whispering exact answers to every question I asked.
Instead, I felt like I was being pulled underwater.
It was like swimming peacefully in the ocean one moment and then suddenly getting sucked out to sea the next. I was still in the water, but I wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t access myself. I couldn’t feel God.
Everything about motherhood felt completely foreign to me.
I thought I should have had it figured out, but I didn’t.
My baby was colicky, allergic to milk, and struggled to feed. Breastfeeding was a failure.
I was deathly afraid of her choking. I let other people feed her solids because my compulsion was so obsessive. And I should have gotten help.
The exhaustion was unbearable, but the real pain was the disconnection. From my spouse, my identity, my intuition, and even my own body.
I was scrambling for meaning between baby cries, the never-ending demands of a household, and the unpredictable storms of my own emotions.
I suffered from Postpartum Depression, Anxiety, and Rage, all magnified by Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.
Two weeks before my period, I wanted to die.
And my ideal picture of motherhood? That was really dead.
Where was the insight? The intuition? The motherly instinct everyone promised would just kick in? Who was I now?
The Truth Is, THIS FEELING WAS JUST UNDER THE SURFACE FOR LONGER THAN I KNEW.
Motherhood didn’t create this feeling of being lost; it just magnified it and made it completely unavoidable.
My childhood was rocky. My father passed suddenly when I was very young, and my family spoke of it only in fragments. It was as if there was a missing piece of me I had no access to. No good, bad or ugly. No mirror.
I was sexually promiscuous, avoidant of relationships (or wanting to go all in way too fast, scaring people away), which I knew was a problem.
But it was my addiction to work, success, and achievements that was insidious and inauthentic, and made me think “I’m okay if I can hold a job, and a big one at that”.
I grew up feeling emotionally neglected, unsure how to nurture or be nurtured. My Mom and Grandmothers did their best, but I often wondered…
If they had known my subconscious patterns undeniably, would I have a better grip on life than I do now?
Would they have seen the way I needed to be loved, and turned my life into happy seeking instead of blind hope?
It wasn’t their fault. But the wound persisted along with me.
And when I became a mother, I realized—
I didn’t know how to create a nurturing home, outwardly or inside myself.
The Map Back to Myself
After studying astrology for 10 years, I figured out a way to apply it to my life practically and usefully.
Somewhere in the chaos, I turned back to my birth chart. Not just as a woo-woo divination modality, but as a way to know myself deep enough to make actual change.
I started decoding my birth chart piece by piece. The missing pieces began falling into place.
✨ It showed me why my emotions felt like tidal waves crashing out of nowhere.
✨ It explained why I had always struggled to feel at home within myself.
✨ It revealed how I could make motherhood feel like a home within my home, instead of a raging storm at sea.
I finally understood that I wasn’t broken; I simply needed a structure to transform.
But the biggest revelation?
I could create a life aligned with my deepest personal truth, and be a nurturing mother, partner and individual along the way.
Now, I Help Other Mothers Read Their Own Map
If you’ve ever felt like motherhood swallowed you whole,
If you’ve ever wondered why you and your child feel so different,
If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re doing this all wrong...
I’m going to hold your hand when I say this…You’re gonna want some help beyond Mom Groups and therpy.
And I want to show you what astrology showed me:
💫 Your birth chart is a map back to yourself (seriously, we can go back to the first time your lost yourself).
💫 Your child’s chart is a guide to understanding them on a soul level (skip the trial and error and parenting guides, I’ve got you.)
💫 You don’t have to mother alone.
Because the answers were never outside of you, they’ve been inside you all along. You just need the Constellation Keys to remember them.